I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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