Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
