I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
