her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
