I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
