You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
