I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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