The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
