I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
