I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize