Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Me too!
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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