I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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