I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just cropdusted the office
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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