Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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