You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
