I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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