i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
