turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize