Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i think we sleep fucked last night...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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