I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
