i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
