In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
