I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
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