your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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