Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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