Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
honey bunches of taint.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize