Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
