You just made me feel so damn special
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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