Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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