Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
