hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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