Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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