you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Bring me that man meat
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
