two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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