I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I can't turn off my feet"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
