so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
