i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
