She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
