yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize