I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
