i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
