you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
