i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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