doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
