I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
