Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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