Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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