We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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