i need an iv and a liver transplant
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Is Oprah even human
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
