I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
