I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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