TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
