meet me or not, i'm out of control
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
It's shark week go big or go home
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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