is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
