Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
