dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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