I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
