My first STD was from a foam party
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize