I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
