On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
