I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
