Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
try to milk me bitch
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
