I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize