is your mom at the bar?
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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