On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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