So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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