I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
