Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
