if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
