He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
