I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
