i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
