the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
