Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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