pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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