JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
