I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
