I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
we're making bets on your personal life
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
