Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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