Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
