so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
