I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
