everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
