you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
