i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
