I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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