Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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