i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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