forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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