no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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