omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
