I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
