the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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