i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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