i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
