I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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