so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
