He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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