Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
