i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
