Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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