Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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