nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize