i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
