Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
