if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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