good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
