worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize