I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
