You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
