he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize