I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
