this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
